As women in midlife and beyond, we grew up with expectations to be polite, respect authority, and take care of others. It was modeled for us to put everyone else first.
So here we are now with a tendency I’ve been thinking about lately.
Tune in for this bonus 5 minutes to hear what I’m thinking about. Then become aware of a habit you may have and how to let go of it.
I’m a certified coach for women in midlife and beyond. Learn more about me and what I do at 823groupaz.com.
Thank you for listening! If you love the content here, don't be shy - follow, subscribe, rate, review, and share FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®️. When you do, you help other women in midlife and beyond find this podcast.
Another way to support the show is to contribute a small donation of your choice every month. Visit https://www.buzzsprout.com/2226876/support to get it set up - & don't worry, you can cancel at any time!
As women in midlife and beyond, we grew up with expectations to be polite, respect authority, and take care of others. It was modeled for us to put everyone else first.
So here we are now with a tendency I’ve been thinking about lately.
Tune in for this bonus 5 minutes to hear what I’m thinking about. Then become aware of a habit you may have and how to let go of it.
I’m a certified coach for women in midlife and beyond. Learn more about me and what I do at 823groupaz.com.
Thank you for listening! If you love the content here, don't be shy - follow, subscribe, rate, review, and share FLIPSIDE OF MIDLIFE®️. When you do, you help other women in midlife and beyond find this podcast.
Another way to support the show is to contribute a small donation of your choice every month. Visit https://www.buzzsprout.com/2226876/support to get it set up - & don't worry, you can cancel at any time!
Speaker 0:
Hi there, my friend. It's me Carly. Thanks for listening to my midlife musings. Something I've been thinking about lately is our tendency as women to seek permission from others. You can hear it in the words is it okay if? Or would you be okay with me? Or? I hope you don't mind if I you get the gist right, I'll find a dandy if we're seeking permission because we need it from that person. You know, like in a fitness environment when the instructor asks for your permission to place their hands on you to correct your body position. What has me thinking is when we ask if it's okay to meet our own needs, not someone else's. As women in midlife and beyond, we grew up with expectations to be polite, respect authority and take care of others. It was modeled for us to put everyone else first. Over time, those expectations turned into beliefs and they are sticky for sure. I am willing to bet you are in the habit of seeking external permission in at least a few circumstances. I know I am. I'm also willing to bet you don't even realize you're doing it. Ready to build awareness so you can release this tendency? In the next few minutes I cover three circumstances when it is common to seek permission from others and what you can say and do instead.
Speaker 0:
Circumstance number one saying no to requests. How do you respond when you're asked to take on a responsibility, complete a task or add something to your plate that is already full? If your first response is a pit in your stomach and then you start to wonder how you can make it work, these are signs that you are preparing to put the needs of someone else ahead of your own. Pay attention to the signs. If you find yourself flustered and or you want time to mull things over, say I can't give you an answer now. I need to think about it. Then listen, tune in to how the request is making you feel. What thoughts are popping into your head? How is your body responding? Is the request making you feel anxious or stressed? If you decide the answer needs to be no, choose words that do not ask for permission. Perhaps you typically respond with something like do you mind if I say no or could I please decline? Here are a few suggestions you can use to say no without asking for permission. Thank you for thinking of me. My plate is as full as I like it. I'm not in a place to take on additional responsibilities without letting go of something else. No, that doesn't work for me. I suggest that you memorize one or two and say them out loud many times. That practice will help your chosen know roll off of your tongue when you need it to.
Speaker 0:
Circumstance number two expressing your opinions. Do you find yourself deferring your opinions and preferences to those of others? Then you may be in the behavior pattern of apologizing for your opinions when you do share them. Here are two neutral statements you can use to encourage yourself to speak up and others to listen without seeking their permission. I'd like to express my thoughts on this. I have an opinion to share. I prefer to fill in the blank. Use these statements without tacking on. Is that okay, or would that be all right? Leave them as they stand, my friend.
Speaker 0:
Circumstance number three canceling social commitments. Have you ever canceled plans because you just weren't feeling it or something came up that precluded you from attending? Of course, haven't we all? Well, when it happened, did you say Say something like? I was wondering if we can cancel, guess what? Whoever was on the receiving end of that does not have needs that override yours. Say the words I need to cancel. I can't make it. Give a reason or don't give a reason. You do not need another's permission to cancel plans. My friend, you know the saying those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. Cancelling plans falls under that umbrella. Give yourself permission to listen to your needs, honor them and express them. You are a whole, bright, complicated, worthy human being, my friend. You deserve the autonomy to make decisions that preserve and protect your well-being and happiness. The only permission you need is your own. Be well, my friend. I'll be back with another Midlife Musings in two weeks.